Lonely and Totally Alone................

I am sitting here at almost midnight with a huge lump in my throat........

I do not think I have ever felt so lonely in my life. I know that I need to hang on and get through it but it is very hard right now! I have so much to offer someone and yet I sit alone while nearly everyone I know is cuddled up with a special someone. It all has smacked me right in the face tonight.
First, I see Troy and Matt working together this evening - and they were doing their own things and then they said goodnight and got in their car together and left. The cook and his boyfriend were out walking hand in hand and I watched as they made their way to their camper for the night. I know that David has reconnected with his ex love and they have decided to make another go of it - they are probably sharing a romantic date and cuddling up together as I write this. I am very happy for all of these folks and hope they realize how blessed they are.
I also know of a number of couples right now that are on vacation, relaxing together, making plans, etc while I sit here typing on this stupid fucking blog..........
I am wondering what I have done wrong that it has come to this.........and if I will ever experience a healthy love affair with someone.................The tears are rolling down my face as I sit here.......and that just pisses me off more and makes me feel worse about myself. I hate self pity yet that's all I feel I have right now. The really tragic part is I do not see an end to the sadness I am feeling or the loneliness....and wonder how I will ever make it through..............I feel like I will never stop crying and this all just hurts too bad..............tragic part - no one can make this go away......................................but me!