Ain't Love Grand.....................or not!!!

Well, after my last entry in which I thought I would write this sooner..............I decided to let my feelings simmer for a while and see if that would change my thoughts on the subject....................just so we are clear - it didn't! Call me what you want, but it seems I am the eternal optimist. Even when my heart aches, I know I am a much stronger person for it!

To summarize where I am at in my life right now, I feel better about who I am as a person then I ever have. As all of us, I know I have my issues, however, I also know that I can truly love someone, be a best friend anyone could hope for, decipher and avoid negative people, be honest with myself and others, have fun and laugh, be realistic and yet positive at same time, and look at things objectively! I have spent so much time tearing myself apart that I failed to see the good things. The last few times I looked at myself in the mirror, I liked what I saw. I am not talking about in the looks department, I have no real complaints with that and feel pretty good about myself physically. I am talking about the eyes (as in window to the soul) and how I feel about who I am and what I have to offer the world as a whole, my family, my friends, and a potential partner/mate.

The partner/mate has been the real kicker in the past and still tends to be the most thought provoking. Suffice it to say, while I have met a few potential partners, the majority of available guys (I use available loosely), have not hit me where my heart is - if ya know what I mean. Also, after being up here in Gay Camp for 6 months, and meeting a large number of gay counterparts, I have realized and am happy to report, that I would be a great partner/mate. Again, I know I have my issues, but I now know that I have a great many good traits for a healthy relationship. I also know why I remain single and, for once, I know it is not due to any negative aspect of me. I feel that I am single because I choose to not settle for less then I deserve or for someone who is going to take me for granted. Honestly, I need someone who can be independent and not possessive of me and jealousy should not be a huge issue. Not because I flirt when I am with someone, which I do not do, but because when I am with someone - I am totally and completely monogamous! Also, there are very few guys that have their shit together enough to want to take a chance with me. Now when I say chance, I believe that once I am with the right partner our odds are definitely in our favor. Lets just say I now trust myself and my feelings and when my heart speaks it will want to be with the one that is most like me. We would be a dynamic couple - and it would because of the two of us - not just me. Its meeting my counterpart and letting him be free to be him. Its having our space but knowing that we would always be there for each other. Its working it all out, helping each other grow, allowing each other the space and time to work through our own personal issues, but not taking it personal when the alone time and separation is needed by one or the other of us. Its being with someone that makes you feel freer then when you are single. Its being with someone that is also your best friend in the world! Its being able to be totally honest with each other without retribution if you always remember that its about their happiness, as well as, yours!

Part two of this has been written but not yet posted and remains in draft until I feel comfortable putting it out here for all the world to see!