Panic Disorder - Not For The Weak!

Ok its been a while since I have written - quite sometime as a matter of fact!

Well, now that I purchased a laptop with alot of assistance from my Best Friend David (www.anothermilemarker.blogspot.com) I can write pretty much anywhere on the mountain! Right now, I am sitting on the porch listening to the night insects as I write about a topic that I could never feel comfortable putting into words.

Panic Disorder - Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder that causes repeated, unexpected attacks of intense fear. These attacks may last from minutes to hours.
The symptoms can vary and can include the following:

With panic disorder, at least four of the following symptoms occur during an attack:

Chest pain or discomfort

Dizziness or faintness

Fear of dying

Fear of losing control or impending doom

Feeling of choking

Feelings of detachment

Feelings of unreality

Nausea or upset stomach

Numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, or face

Palpitations, fast heart rate, or pounding heart

Sensation of shortness of breath or smothering

Sweating, chills, or hot flashes

Trembling or shaking

I began having these attacks around the age of 13 and they lasted for about 7 years. At that time, I attributed them to the changes in my home life, my having to quit school and go to work fulltime, my struggle with my sexuality, etc. Then they abruptly stopped for a number of years until I was at the age of 29. I attributed them this time to almost dying from severe hemoraghes and subsequent emergency surgery for a digestive disorder. They lasted about 6 to 7 more years and then I was able to find a medication that basically saved my life.

I have went to numerous doctors and have had numerous tests on my heart, lungs, blood, etc. I went to therapy for many years and finally found a pychiatrist that knew there was a blood test that could evaluate the chemicals that my brain was producing and he found that my brain only produces about 15% of the normal amount of serotonin.

I have since learned that these kind of disorders are prevelant in my family throughout the generations. I believe my Father, and 3 of my brothers, have suffered from them as they were alcoholics which was the way they found to self-medicate. Thankfully I did not go that route. Also, my mother has suffered from them in many forms. My sisters and 1 brother are mostly obsessive-compulsive. I always noticed that the majority of my family are very negative and I have strived to overcome that negativity.

I am in a period of time in which I am struggling with them again. My medical doctor has increased my medicine which I believe has assisted some, but, every day is a struggle. Its a struggle because I refuse to give into not living to avoid the attacks. I have learned to cope with them better and I am less ashamed of having the issues. I have met numerous folks up here on the mountain who suffer from them also and understand.

The toughest part is those that do not understand. I recently explained the condition to my best friend and he seems to want to try to understand and has let me know that while he doesn't relate, he can relate to depression and the mind's ability to make your life hell sometimes.

I feel I needed to put this into words to be out in the open with myself and others. I believe having this condition has made me more understanding of other folks and their problems. If one person can benefit from my words then it was not for nothing.

I will be updating the topic periodically as I struggle to work through this once again. Until then, stayed tuned for my newest blog subject which will be titled "You can't make this shit up" (The life and times at Roseland Resort and Campground) This alone should keep me busy for quite sometime.

Thanks for reading and take care!