Well I have had the last few days off and for the most part I have slept, read, and watched True Blood.
This past weekend was slow as we only had a dozen guests. We had a bonfire in the short term parking and a Hayride in the new wagon which was very cool. I created a room cleanliness checklist and some organized information for our cleaning guy who has been struggling with getting it all done. He says it was awesome to have it this week.
This coming weekend is going to be busier then we have expected. It is always nice to get back to work after having a few days off. It gives me the structure that I miss during those times I am off.
The maintenance guy and his assistant have made great progress on the new deck addition and they are ready to put the floor on tomorrow. Mark has been working diligently on cleaning up the landscaping and trimming trees.
As for me, I think I am going through some sort of depression along with the anxiety. I do not have the energy to do some cleaning that I need to get done. I am very lonely a lot and can't wait until folks get here. Then it never really helps when I have to be by myself! I truly am my own worst enemy at times. I wish I could find the inner happiness and look at my cup as half full, as opposed to, half empty. I also have a negative streak that really pisses me off sometimes. It doesn't help that everyone thinks I have my shit together and really do not need anyone or anything from anyone. When you are strong, you cease to exist! I would love to just curl up with someone and truly relax! Maybe someday that will happen!!!
Ok - enough bullshit for one night....................
I place for me to vent, ponder, and dissect my deepest thoughts and opinions without retribution or judgement!
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Dragon Fly.................In Abundance
Today was a day like most others with few exceptions. First of all, I was more productive then I have been in quite sometime in my job. My anxiety was at a minumum and I was able to get all of the normal weekend activities done today that would normally take the entire weekend!
Some changes are occurring up on the mountain besides the fact that the leaves are starting to turn and become more noticeable every day.
Our maintenance guy and his helper have broken ground on the deck extension on the Town Hall. It will marry all of the decks and is going to be huge! The one great loss I can see in this effort is that they had to cut down one of the trees that was closest to the gym area which used to be Torso. I actually counted the rings and it was over 30 years old. Can you imagine the changes that it has seen over the years??? It more then likely started out in the middle of open land watching the cattle meander to watching the birth of the campground and more and more people happening by. Now, it has been killed to allow more room for modernization. It is sad in one respect, however, it will be used for many campfires to come.
Then, after dinner, Matt calls me over to the Town Hall area and the look on his face was one of wonder and amazement. Once I got over there, I realized why. There were literally hundreds of these huge Dragon Flies flying all over and around us, not once touching us. They were flying in and out of our bodies in a figure eight type pattern. I was so enthralled, I pulled out my handy Iphone and did a search on dragon fly swarms. To my amazement, it is actually part of their migratory pattern to swarm different areas on their way to warmer climates. Also, there are some findings that they bring tidings of good things to come or Good Luck as some folk call it. As soon as I heard that, it struck me what I am most excited about today.
I had a meeting with the Facebook Advertising Group and we will be the one and only Gay Resort and Campground advertised on users home pages. We will be targeting all Men Seeking Men in the US and Canada which totals over 880,000 men letting them know about this place. If a user clicks on the ad, they will be taken directly to our web site which we have replaced with a more updated and user friendly web site.
Perhaps the Dragon Fly swarm is a sign of wonderful things to come.
Now I am sitting on the porch, while my adopted cat eats. I should say she has adopted me. She usually only stays over at the Guesthouse area, but, tonight she must have heard me over at the store and came running over there. She escorted me back to the house to get her food constantly stopping to make sure I wasn't far behind.
Life is pretty damn good about now!
Some changes are occurring up on the mountain besides the fact that the leaves are starting to turn and become more noticeable every day.
Our maintenance guy and his helper have broken ground on the deck extension on the Town Hall. It will marry all of the decks and is going to be huge! The one great loss I can see in this effort is that they had to cut down one of the trees that was closest to the gym area which used to be Torso. I actually counted the rings and it was over 30 years old. Can you imagine the changes that it has seen over the years??? It more then likely started out in the middle of open land watching the cattle meander to watching the birth of the campground and more and more people happening by. Now, it has been killed to allow more room for modernization. It is sad in one respect, however, it will be used for many campfires to come.
Then, after dinner, Matt calls me over to the Town Hall area and the look on his face was one of wonder and amazement. Once I got over there, I realized why. There were literally hundreds of these huge Dragon Flies flying all over and around us, not once touching us. They were flying in and out of our bodies in a figure eight type pattern. I was so enthralled, I pulled out my handy Iphone and did a search on dragon fly swarms. To my amazement, it is actually part of their migratory pattern to swarm different areas on their way to warmer climates. Also, there are some findings that they bring tidings of good things to come or Good Luck as some folk call it. As soon as I heard that, it struck me what I am most excited about today.
I had a meeting with the Facebook Advertising Group and we will be the one and only Gay Resort and Campground advertised on users home pages. We will be targeting all Men Seeking Men in the US and Canada which totals over 880,000 men letting them know about this place. If a user clicks on the ad, they will be taken directly to our web site which we have replaced with a more updated and user friendly web site.
Perhaps the Dragon Fly swarm is a sign of wonderful things to come.
Now I am sitting on the porch, while my adopted cat eats. I should say she has adopted me. She usually only stays over at the Guesthouse area, but, tonight she must have heard me over at the store and came running over there. She escorted me back to the house to get her food constantly stopping to make sure I wasn't far behind.
Life is pretty damn good about now!
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Panic Disorder - Not For The Weak!
Ok its been a while since I have written - quite sometime as a matter of fact!
Well, now that I purchased a laptop with alot of assistance from my Best Friend David (www.anothermilemarker.blogspot.com) I can write pretty much anywhere on the mountain! Right now, I am sitting on the porch listening to the night insects as I write about a topic that I could never feel comfortable putting into words.
Panic Disorder - Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder that causes repeated, unexpected attacks of intense fear. These attacks may last from minutes to hours.
The symptoms can vary and can include the following:
With panic disorder, at least four of the following symptoms occur during an attack:
Chest pain or discomfort
Dizziness or faintness
Fear of dying
Fear of losing control or impending doom
Feeling of choking
Feelings of detachment
Feelings of unreality
Nausea or upset stomach
Numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, or face
Palpitations, fast heart rate, or pounding heart
Sensation of shortness of breath or smothering
Sweating, chills, or hot flashes
Trembling or shaking
I began having these attacks around the age of 13 and they lasted for about 7 years. At that time, I attributed them to the changes in my home life, my having to quit school and go to work fulltime, my struggle with my sexuality, etc. Then they abruptly stopped for a number of years until I was at the age of 29. I attributed them this time to almost dying from severe hemoraghes and subsequent emergency surgery for a digestive disorder. They lasted about 6 to 7 more years and then I was able to find a medication that basically saved my life.
I have went to numerous doctors and have had numerous tests on my heart, lungs, blood, etc. I went to therapy for many years and finally found a pychiatrist that knew there was a blood test that could evaluate the chemicals that my brain was producing and he found that my brain only produces about 15% of the normal amount of serotonin.
I have since learned that these kind of disorders are prevelant in my family throughout the generations. I believe my Father, and 3 of my brothers, have suffered from them as they were alcoholics which was the way they found to self-medicate. Thankfully I did not go that route. Also, my mother has suffered from them in many forms. My sisters and 1 brother are mostly obsessive-compulsive. I always noticed that the majority of my family are very negative and I have strived to overcome that negativity.
I am in a period of time in which I am struggling with them again. My medical doctor has increased my medicine which I believe has assisted some, but, every day is a struggle. Its a struggle because I refuse to give into not living to avoid the attacks. I have learned to cope with them better and I am less ashamed of having the issues. I have met numerous folks up here on the mountain who suffer from them also and understand.
The toughest part is those that do not understand. I recently explained the condition to my best friend and he seems to want to try to understand and has let me know that while he doesn't relate, he can relate to depression and the mind's ability to make your life hell sometimes.
I feel I needed to put this into words to be out in the open with myself and others. I believe having this condition has made me more understanding of other folks and their problems. If one person can benefit from my words then it was not for nothing.
I will be updating the topic periodically as I struggle to work through this once again. Until then, stayed tuned for my newest blog subject which will be titled "You can't make this shit up" (The life and times at Roseland Resort and Campground) This alone should keep me busy for quite sometime.
Thanks for reading and take care!
Well, now that I purchased a laptop with alot of assistance from my Best Friend David (www.anothermilemarker.blogspot.com) I can write pretty much anywhere on the mountain! Right now, I am sitting on the porch listening to the night insects as I write about a topic that I could never feel comfortable putting into words.
Panic Disorder - Panic disorder is an anxiety disorder that causes repeated, unexpected attacks of intense fear. These attacks may last from minutes to hours.
The symptoms can vary and can include the following:
With panic disorder, at least four of the following symptoms occur during an attack:
Chest pain or discomfort
Dizziness or faintness
Fear of dying
Fear of losing control or impending doom
Feeling of choking
Feelings of detachment
Feelings of unreality
Nausea or upset stomach
Numbness or tingling in the hands, feet, or face
Palpitations, fast heart rate, or pounding heart
Sensation of shortness of breath or smothering
Sweating, chills, or hot flashes
Trembling or shaking
I began having these attacks around the age of 13 and they lasted for about 7 years. At that time, I attributed them to the changes in my home life, my having to quit school and go to work fulltime, my struggle with my sexuality, etc. Then they abruptly stopped for a number of years until I was at the age of 29. I attributed them this time to almost dying from severe hemoraghes and subsequent emergency surgery for a digestive disorder. They lasted about 6 to 7 more years and then I was able to find a medication that basically saved my life.
I have went to numerous doctors and have had numerous tests on my heart, lungs, blood, etc. I went to therapy for many years and finally found a pychiatrist that knew there was a blood test that could evaluate the chemicals that my brain was producing and he found that my brain only produces about 15% of the normal amount of serotonin.
I have since learned that these kind of disorders are prevelant in my family throughout the generations. I believe my Father, and 3 of my brothers, have suffered from them as they were alcoholics which was the way they found to self-medicate. Thankfully I did not go that route. Also, my mother has suffered from them in many forms. My sisters and 1 brother are mostly obsessive-compulsive. I always noticed that the majority of my family are very negative and I have strived to overcome that negativity.
I am in a period of time in which I am struggling with them again. My medical doctor has increased my medicine which I believe has assisted some, but, every day is a struggle. Its a struggle because I refuse to give into not living to avoid the attacks. I have learned to cope with them better and I am less ashamed of having the issues. I have met numerous folks up here on the mountain who suffer from them also and understand.
The toughest part is those that do not understand. I recently explained the condition to my best friend and he seems to want to try to understand and has let me know that while he doesn't relate, he can relate to depression and the mind's ability to make your life hell sometimes.
I feel I needed to put this into words to be out in the open with myself and others. I believe having this condition has made me more understanding of other folks and their problems. If one person can benefit from my words then it was not for nothing.
I will be updating the topic periodically as I struggle to work through this once again. Until then, stayed tuned for my newest blog subject which will be titled "You can't make this shit up" (The life and times at Roseland Resort and Campground) This alone should keep me busy for quite sometime.
Thanks for reading and take care!
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