Another Day In The Life

Today I was up at 8:30 and after getting ready and spending time with the guests who came to breakfast, I made my way over to the store. Now opening the store consists of opening the bar also! (Believe it or not, these fags can drink all day) After unlocking the store and putting out the open sign, I then have to open the sliding glass doors between the store and the bar, unlock the beer cases and the gate to the bar and make coffee. Once that is done, I have to update tabs of everything that folks had the night prior on the system including all kinds of drinks and pizza, balance the bar drawer and make out deposits. My morning consisted of checking folks out and answering e-mails, phone calls, etc. I could not wait until the last person checked out about noon, so I could get over to my room for a much needed nap! I talked to my best friend David who I feel like I have not talked to in forever! It was a great conversation and was much needed since I seem to only exchange pleasantries with the folks here. I feel like it was the first adult conversation I had in quite sometime. I then napped for 4 hours - yes - that was a nap! After getting up I had forgotten that I had not eaten since breakfast, so I made myself a bowl of cereal. I then had to complete 3 loads of laundry, clean the room, get Rox settled, and talk to my sister! Gil is here all week to help us get some of things done we have outstanding. He made a macaroni and cheese pizza with turkey sausage and we watched a rerun of Desperate Housewives. I then folded clothes and cleaned the cat bowls and now here I sit. While I was folding clothes, I was doing some thinking and decided that, right now, my life is boring. I feel like I do not matter in the big scheme of things, and to anyone. I realized that I needed something exciting to happen to shake me out of my doldrums. I do not know what that is, but, maybe it will be something that I have a hand in and who knows what tomorrow will bring. Its like there is an internal struggle going on inside of myself. I go between being confident and sure of myself to being afraid and lonely. Between being happy with the many blessings I have in my life, to being sad because I have no one in which to share them. I struggle with looking at my cup as half full to then looking at it as half empty. I don't know if it is just this time of year, the fact that my job is not structured right now like it is during the busy season, or what?? I know I can only take it a day at a time and continue to hang in there and do what I can to makes things better, help folks when I can, and live life to the fullest! I guess there is a reason and a season for everything!