I place for me to vent, ponder, and dissect my deepest thoughts and opinions without retribution or judgement!
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
A Beautiful Morning......
Well, after writing about 4 blogs last night, I think I am now kinda hooked! I am sitting here at the picnic table by the hot tub looking put over the mountains and valleys and the sun is just behind the clouds. I can see the rays shooting down through the clouds and it is just so beautiful, I just had to write about it! Everything is turning so green and the smell of freshly cut grass is in the air. I can hear the birds all singing and there is a light breeze. The trees are all in bloom and flowers are sprouting up everywhere. I am actually writing this on my IPod Touch and it's not as hard as you would think! It's great to feel the sun in my face and it's great to be alive! I am so grateful for what I have and this is what it's all about! I always want to look at my cup as half full, as opposed to, half empty! We have a choice as to whether we are going to be happy! It's tough sometimes, but, it's morning like this that make life worth living!!!
Monday, April 25, 2011
Friends and Family...........What it is all about!!!
Last weekend was Friends and Family or (Co-Ed) weekend! Below are some pictures that tell it all.........
This one is one of my favorites as it is of me and my best friend David and the first picture I have ever had with him:
A few with My Mother and Sister:
This one is one of my favorites as it is of me and my best friend David and the first picture I have ever had with him:
A few with My Mother and Sister:
Love Does Conquer All...........Sometimes!
Last year towards the end of November, one of the seasonals came to me and asked me if they could discuss something with me. Of course, I replied that they certainly could talk to me about anything.
He went on to say that he was deeply in love with someone and was very concerned that it would not end well. The reasoning being that he lived in Pittsburgh and his love lived in Columbus. They get along famously although they do not see each other often. They were texting back and forth, talked on the phone when they could, and saw each other periodically. His love had his life in Columbus and he had his life in Pittsburgh and he couldn't see that either one were going to give up their perspective lives to mesh theirs together.
Now being the hopeless romantic that I am, I expressed that I felt he should just wait and let it play out. That if they were meant to be, love would find a way!
Well, I haven't seen him all Winter long and he finally came back to camp. The first day, he came to me and told me that, although he did not want to upset his loves life, and did not want to give up his life in Pittsburgh, that his love came to him and wanted to uproot and move to Pittsburgh. He never pushed for that, nor did he ever mention that, and things worked out. They are working together to get his love moved and his love did not have to give up his job as his company has branches in Pittsburgh very close to where they will be living.
I told him I was so excited for them and that I knew it would work out as I had told him the previous fall. He thanked me and added that had it not been for the good advice I had given him, he would have probably ruined what is a great thing for both of them.
I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel. Not to mention the fact, that it gave me hope for a bright future with someone, regardless of the circumstances I find myself in working here at Roseland.
With all of the heartache and trials we experience as Gay men, there is always hope. I realized that, sometimes, you should just let things simmer and let them work out instead of trying to make them work out. Who knows, sometimes the best things come to those who wait!!!!
He went on to say that he was deeply in love with someone and was very concerned that it would not end well. The reasoning being that he lived in Pittsburgh and his love lived in Columbus. They get along famously although they do not see each other often. They were texting back and forth, talked on the phone when they could, and saw each other periodically. His love had his life in Columbus and he had his life in Pittsburgh and he couldn't see that either one were going to give up their perspective lives to mesh theirs together.
Now being the hopeless romantic that I am, I expressed that I felt he should just wait and let it play out. That if they were meant to be, love would find a way!
Well, I haven't seen him all Winter long and he finally came back to camp. The first day, he came to me and told me that, although he did not want to upset his loves life, and did not want to give up his life in Pittsburgh, that his love came to him and wanted to uproot and move to Pittsburgh. He never pushed for that, nor did he ever mention that, and things worked out. They are working together to get his love moved and his love did not have to give up his job as his company has branches in Pittsburgh very close to where they will be living.
I told him I was so excited for them and that I knew it would work out as I had told him the previous fall. He thanked me and added that had it not been for the good advice I had given him, he would have probably ruined what is a great thing for both of them.
I cannot tell you how wonderful that made me feel. Not to mention the fact, that it gave me hope for a bright future with someone, regardless of the circumstances I find myself in working here at Roseland.
With all of the heartache and trials we experience as Gay men, there is always hope. I realized that, sometimes, you should just let things simmer and let them work out instead of trying to make them work out. Who knows, sometimes the best things come to those who wait!!!!
Piano In The Dark...........
Here is another song that I woke up with one morning.........
Piano In The dark
When I find myself watching the time
I never think about all of the funny things ya said
I feel like its dead
Where it is leading me now
I turn around in the still of the room
Knowing this is when I am gonna make my move
Can't wait any longer
And I am feeling stronger, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
I know I am caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, Gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
He holds me close like a thief of the heart
He plays a melody
Born to tear me all apart
The silence is broken
and no words are spoken, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
I know I am caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
The silence is broken
aAnd no words are spoken, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
Oh I cry, I cry............
Piano In The dark
When I find myself watching the time
I never think about all of the funny things ya said
I feel like its dead
Where it is leading me now
I turn around in the still of the room
Knowing this is when I am gonna make my move
Can't wait any longer
And I am feeling stronger, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
I know I am caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, Gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
He holds me close like a thief of the heart
He plays a melody
Born to tear me all apart
The silence is broken
and no words are spoken, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
I know I am caught up in the middle
I cry just a little
When I think of letting go
Oh no, gave up on the riddle
I cry just a little
When he plays piano in the dark
The silence is broken
aAnd no words are spoken, but oh
Just as I walk through the door
I can feel your emotion
Its pulling me back
Back to love you
Oh I cry, I cry............
Waiting For A Star To Fall..............
One night last week, I was sitting by the picnic table near the Hot Tub and the most fantastic thing happened! As I was was talking on the phone with my sister (actually listening to her talk) A shooting star, Emerald in color came down over the woods right in front of me! I know it was that close because it fell in front of the lights of the refinery plant across the way. I could see the debris burning off it as it fell and it went out right above the woods and I could hear the burning! I stopped my sister in mid rant and told her what just happened. She responded to make a wish immediately! I put the phone down and made my wish! The next morning I woke up with a song in my head, as I do most mornings and below are the lyrics. What does it mean? I don't know, you be the judge................
Waiting for a star to fall
I hear your name whispered on the wind
Its a sound that makes me cry
I hear a song blow again and again
Through my mind and I don't know why
I wish I didn't feel so strong about you
Like happiness and love revolve around you
Trying to catch your heart
Is like trying to catch a star
So many people love ya baby
That must be what you are
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
in my arms, Baby yeah
I've learned to feel what I cannot see
But with you I lose that vision
I don't know how to dream your dream
So I'm all caught up in superstition
I want to reach out and pull you to me
Who says I should let a wild one go free
Trying to catch your heart
is like trying to catch a star
But I can't love ya this much baby
And love you from this far
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
in my arms baby, yeah
Waiting (However long....)
I don't like waiting (I'll wait for you...)
Its so hard waiting (don't be too long....)
Seems like waiting (Makes me love you even more...)
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
In my arms baby, yeah
Waiting for a star to fall
I hear your name whispered on the wind
Its a sound that makes me cry
I hear a song blow again and again
Through my mind and I don't know why
I wish I didn't feel so strong about you
Like happiness and love revolve around you
Trying to catch your heart
Is like trying to catch a star
So many people love ya baby
That must be what you are
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
in my arms, Baby yeah
I've learned to feel what I cannot see
But with you I lose that vision
I don't know how to dream your dream
So I'm all caught up in superstition
I want to reach out and pull you to me
Who says I should let a wild one go free
Trying to catch your heart
is like trying to catch a star
But I can't love ya this much baby
And love you from this far
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
in my arms baby, yeah
Waiting (However long....)
I don't like waiting (I'll wait for you...)
Its so hard waiting (don't be too long....)
Seems like waiting (Makes me love you even more...)
Waiting for a star to fall
and carry your heart into my arms
Thats where you belong
In my arms baby, yeah
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Ahhhhh...........Spring!
What a great weekend!!!! We had about 60 folks up on the mountain for this weekend! On Friday night, I ended up hanging out with some of the guests and seasonals and having been turned onto the "Electric Lemonade", drank a tad too much! The bar closed at around 1:00 a.m. (A tad early - dontcha think!) and I went to sleep only to wake-up gasping for breathe at 4:30 a.m.
It appears that the citrus laying in my esophagus got the best of me and thankfully the Massage Therapist had woken up about 15 minutes before this episode and was out at the hot-tub! When I went outside, he knew something was immediately wrong and I ended up drinking a good amount of water while we sat and talked until about 5:30 when I was finally able to go back to bed!
Then I had another good surprise! Matt and Troy were leaving for vacation, so when I got up to get ready for work on Saturday, Matt explained that he had some bookkeeping work to get done. He told me that I could just go back to bed and he would radio me in a few hours when he was about an hour away from completion.
So off I go back to bed with my Walkie-Talkie about 10:00 a.m. I woke up at 2:30 and radiod him to see what was going on. He explained he forgot to radio me, but, still had more work to do and for me to go ahead and come over to the store at 3:30 p.m. That meant that I was well rested for Saturday Night festivities and had a great evening in the store!
Michael (Kitty - as David calls him) and Dan came up and it was the first time I had seen them in quite awhile. It was like the season is beginning since they were back at camp. I developed a close friendship with them last year as they would normally stay an extra day and we would hang out at the pool together on Monday!
Anyway, the three of us ended up hanging out and I introduced them to "Electric Lemonade"!!! This time we had cherries in them! I assisted Ben behind the bar for a little while, so I am getting pretty good at making drinks! (Once I am pointed to the correct liquor) Then Michael and I danced and I hung out with Dan pretty much the entire evening while Michael danced and got his drink on! I did not drink half as much as Friday night, but, a good time was had by all!
Dan and I sat and talked for while until the bar closed (about 1:30 - suppose you have to work your way up to 2:30 a.m. - Rolls Eyes!) Then he went to his camper and I went and checked out the steam room to close it up. Well, there were guests still using it, so I went to the store and had a few bottles of water and hung out on the porch. (Did not need a repeat of the citrus choke again!) I then checked the steam room and finding no guests, turned it off and locked it up. I went to bed about 2:45and was up bright and early this morning without the alarms - woohoo!
We have been making a number of changes in the store. It has been rearranged and I am now right inside the sliding glass doors of the bar, since the bar is now open at the same time as the store. We now have a locked Key Box and I was able to get all of the keys relabeled and in the locked box which is now behind the enclosed check-in/office area. We have new areas for hanging up shirts, etc. I moved the coffee service area over on what used to be the back counter. Ben hung all of my signs and extra key holders and Rob decorated the one glass case with "Male Pouch" merchandise!
I had time for a half hour Massage from Steve, and while he is good, he is not "My David"! He did do a very good business this weekend (wondering if I am in the right business), as everyone seemed to want a massage! It's a little tough as I miss David being here and doing massage. I know he is much happier and is in a better place in his life now, but, that doesn't mean I don't think about him often and miss the good times we had on a regular basis!
After my massage, Michael and Dan brought their dachshund Strudel up to see me and I went and got my Roxy and we sat out on the pavement and played with the dogs for awhile. They then had to leave to get back to the city and I finished some balancing transactions and closed the store at 6 p.m.
I then went and filled up my Ice Tea and sat outside on one of hillside chairs overooking the valley to just relax. The weather was so perfect after the initial fog cover of this morning. There was a nice warm breeze blowing and I wanted to just go to sleep right where I was sitting.
After a time, Ben, Curtis, and Joe (The cooks BF), came over and chatted for awhile. Then Rob and Phil (Seasonals) brought their dogs over and we sat and chatted for about an hour. I then went over to the store and talked with Mark (Another one of my favorite seasonals) and watched a little of a movie on the Sci-Fi channel! Some disaster movie that I tired of after about 15 minutes!
I have a very busy week planned. I have to do laundry including bedclothes, bathe Roxy, Clean the Fish Tank, Do my Taxes, Go get my hair cut, get some repair work done on my car and an oil change, clean the room and get it more organized, Drive to Columbus and Pick-up my Mother and my Sister on Thursday. I am looking forward to seeing David and meeting Robin this coming weekend!
More News Later...................
It appears that the citrus laying in my esophagus got the best of me and thankfully the Massage Therapist had woken up about 15 minutes before this episode and was out at the hot-tub! When I went outside, he knew something was immediately wrong and I ended up drinking a good amount of water while we sat and talked until about 5:30 when I was finally able to go back to bed!
Then I had another good surprise! Matt and Troy were leaving for vacation, so when I got up to get ready for work on Saturday, Matt explained that he had some bookkeeping work to get done. He told me that I could just go back to bed and he would radio me in a few hours when he was about an hour away from completion.
So off I go back to bed with my Walkie-Talkie about 10:00 a.m. I woke up at 2:30 and radiod him to see what was going on. He explained he forgot to radio me, but, still had more work to do and for me to go ahead and come over to the store at 3:30 p.m. That meant that I was well rested for Saturday Night festivities and had a great evening in the store!
Michael (Kitty - as David calls him) and Dan came up and it was the first time I had seen them in quite awhile. It was like the season is beginning since they were back at camp. I developed a close friendship with them last year as they would normally stay an extra day and we would hang out at the pool together on Monday!
Anyway, the three of us ended up hanging out and I introduced them to "Electric Lemonade"!!! This time we had cherries in them! I assisted Ben behind the bar for a little while, so I am getting pretty good at making drinks! (Once I am pointed to the correct liquor) Then Michael and I danced and I hung out with Dan pretty much the entire evening while Michael danced and got his drink on! I did not drink half as much as Friday night, but, a good time was had by all!
Dan and I sat and talked for while until the bar closed (about 1:30 - suppose you have to work your way up to 2:30 a.m. - Rolls Eyes!) Then he went to his camper and I went and checked out the steam room to close it up. Well, there were guests still using it, so I went to the store and had a few bottles of water and hung out on the porch. (Did not need a repeat of the citrus choke again!) I then checked the steam room and finding no guests, turned it off and locked it up. I went to bed about 2:45and was up bright and early this morning without the alarms - woohoo!
We have been making a number of changes in the store. It has been rearranged and I am now right inside the sliding glass doors of the bar, since the bar is now open at the same time as the store. We now have a locked Key Box and I was able to get all of the keys relabeled and in the locked box which is now behind the enclosed check-in/office area. We have new areas for hanging up shirts, etc. I moved the coffee service area over on what used to be the back counter. Ben hung all of my signs and extra key holders and Rob decorated the one glass case with "Male Pouch" merchandise!
I had time for a half hour Massage from Steve, and while he is good, he is not "My David"! He did do a very good business this weekend (wondering if I am in the right business), as everyone seemed to want a massage! It's a little tough as I miss David being here and doing massage. I know he is much happier and is in a better place in his life now, but, that doesn't mean I don't think about him often and miss the good times we had on a regular basis!
After my massage, Michael and Dan brought their dachshund Strudel up to see me and I went and got my Roxy and we sat out on the pavement and played with the dogs for awhile. They then had to leave to get back to the city and I finished some balancing transactions and closed the store at 6 p.m.
I then went and filled up my Ice Tea and sat outside on one of hillside chairs overooking the valley to just relax. The weather was so perfect after the initial fog cover of this morning. There was a nice warm breeze blowing and I wanted to just go to sleep right where I was sitting.
After a time, Ben, Curtis, and Joe (The cooks BF), came over and chatted for awhile. Then Rob and Phil (Seasonals) brought their dogs over and we sat and chatted for about an hour. I then went over to the store and talked with Mark (Another one of my favorite seasonals) and watched a little of a movie on the Sci-Fi channel! Some disaster movie that I tired of after about 15 minutes!
I have a very busy week planned. I have to do laundry including bedclothes, bathe Roxy, Clean the Fish Tank, Do my Taxes, Go get my hair cut, get some repair work done on my car and an oil change, clean the room and get it more organized, Drive to Columbus and Pick-up my Mother and my Sister on Thursday. I am looking forward to seeing David and meeting Robin this coming weekend!
More News Later...................
Tuesday, April 5, 2011
Field of Dreams........or Weeds!
Well it was quite an interesting weekend and beginning of the week - to say the least! Both of the guys I was interested in are now history! The first one acted like a rude asshole on Friday night! Then on Saturday night, I finished work and went over to where my room is to take a nap and decided to stop and use the restroom and since we had guests in the sewing room, I went up to the oak room and there is the second guy having sex with a co-worker!
Needless to say, it depressed me as I an not attracted to many guys nor feel a connection to very few! I feel like I finally feel good about myself and what I have to offer and any guy would be lucky to have me in that respect, however, it is apparent that those type of guys do not exist and if they do, they are few and far between! Gay guys do not want to get lucky in romance, they just want to get laid!
Not saying that I don't like sex, but even then I need an attraction somewhat!
I wish I could just stop expecting more, stop yearning for more, stop being attracted to the wrong guys! I really think I should give up on love and just enjoy my solitary life and enjoy my friends and job without the want or need for more! Now how to do that is the problem! I am really sick of putting myself out there only to get trampled on!
So, then on Sunday I could not wait until the guests were all gone, which was 3:30 pm, so I could just go to bed, which I did and slept until 9:30 pm! We still had a few guests staying over and there was a couple here and the one guy was cute and Italian looking and him and his bf were celebrating their first anniversary! I thought they were so cute - until...........
They were staying until today and on Monday night the 27 year old cute Italian guy started hitting on me! He told me I had a nice ass, kept touching me whenever his bf turned away, went to my room looking for me when I was not there (thankfully), and propositioned me on the porch when his bf walked away wanting me to meet him after his bf went to sleep! Needless to say, I could not go off on him like I wanted to, but had to say no in the most appropriate way as he was a guest.
I wanted to scream to the heavens "enough already!" That was like the topping on the cake! Even if I do get involved with someone, will he be faithful? Will he have any morals? Will he, like many of other gay guys, want an "open" relationship?
Will I or do I even think I can find, a real man like myself, in this field of "dreams" or are they all weeds?
Needless to say, it depressed me as I an not attracted to many guys nor feel a connection to very few! I feel like I finally feel good about myself and what I have to offer and any guy would be lucky to have me in that respect, however, it is apparent that those type of guys do not exist and if they do, they are few and far between! Gay guys do not want to get lucky in romance, they just want to get laid!
Not saying that I don't like sex, but even then I need an attraction somewhat!
I wish I could just stop expecting more, stop yearning for more, stop being attracted to the wrong guys! I really think I should give up on love and just enjoy my solitary life and enjoy my friends and job without the want or need for more! Now how to do that is the problem! I am really sick of putting myself out there only to get trampled on!
So, then on Sunday I could not wait until the guests were all gone, which was 3:30 pm, so I could just go to bed, which I did and slept until 9:30 pm! We still had a few guests staying over and there was a couple here and the one guy was cute and Italian looking and him and his bf were celebrating their first anniversary! I thought they were so cute - until...........
They were staying until today and on Monday night the 27 year old cute Italian guy started hitting on me! He told me I had a nice ass, kept touching me whenever his bf turned away, went to my room looking for me when I was not there (thankfully), and propositioned me on the porch when his bf walked away wanting me to meet him after his bf went to sleep! Needless to say, I could not go off on him like I wanted to, but had to say no in the most appropriate way as he was a guest.
I wanted to scream to the heavens "enough already!" That was like the topping on the cake! Even if I do get involved with someone, will he be faithful? Will he have any morals? Will he, like many of other gay guys, want an "open" relationship?
Will I or do I even think I can find, a real man like myself, in this field of "dreams" or are they all weeds?
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