How could I even attempt to title this!

Well -I lied the last time I posted and said I would keep up on this - and while I have great intentions - it always seems to take a back seat! I am hoping that once I get in my new room - and have online access all of the time - I will write my feelings down on a regular basis.
After reading over my few past posts, I did realize that I have come a long way in a number of areas! As for my feelings about this place and the people I have come into contact with, I have made great strides in not allowing other people to affect whether I am positive or negative! At first, I let other people and their actions bring me down. Now, I choose to not concentrate on the negative aspects and if someone is acting Negative, immature, or artificial, which, I have found is part of the gay culture, I don't have to be a party to it, nor let it bring me down. I have met a number of wonderfully nice folks up here and have forged friendships in various degrees. I have made a few very close friendships, I have re-established old friendships, and I have affected some of the guests in a positive way. A number of guests have even told me that they will and have come back due to my friendliness and caring attitude. We have received a number of letters and e-mails to that affect. I really feel good about all of that and that I have found my niche at this time in my life. I have realized that I have quite a bit to offer to the gay world and I really can affect folks lives in a positive way.
Now granted, I have been through hell in the last couple of years with the bank and the many ways I allowed it to fuck up my life! After all of the years spent putting my heart and soul into something and then to be treated like I was treated by one person, I felt I was forced to give it all up. So, that meant cashing in most of what I worked so hard for my entire life in the financial aspect. I had to cash in retirement in order to live. I am left with nothing and owing the Federal Government, from a tax perspective, as well as, my one student loan. The amount I owe the government is manageable and my student loan is more then half paid off, so I have to be happy about that. I worked this entire summer to pay for the apartment in Columbus as I was not asked to move up here until early fall, which meant I could finally get out of that financial burden. Now though, I am in a slower season and not on payroll, so money is not coming in. I did file for unemployment, so we shall see what that brings. Once the new high season gets here, I can then bank quite a bit of money, as well as, pay off the 2 debts I now have. So, hopefully this time next year, I will be better prepared. Its going to be a lonely, cold, cheap winter, but I know I can make it through somehow! Two of the owners are leaving in a few days for 10 days, so I will be on my own. Of course, I have their dogs to worry about and regular stuff to do, but it still makes me a little nervous having nowhere and no one to turn to for advise, etc. I am going to close this post now and open another one to talk about my love life or lack of one. While I am single, I have loads to get off my chest in that arena, and absolutely no one I can talk to about it! The questions I will address is "Why does the heart develop feelings for someone when they don't feel the same about you?" and "Why can't I control it and make those feelings go away?" Is it because "Hope Floats"??!!??